Same Old Sad Story

Last Friday a few of the other CCSC volunteers and I went to a program called “Telling Stories” at the University of Buffalo which was about sexual assault and domestic abuse/intimate partner abuse. The program consisted of an original play about campus sexual assault, a panel discussion with people associated from the university, a documentary called Telling Amy's Story which was about a woman who was murdered by her husband in November of 2001, and a panel discussion by people in the Buffalo community who work with victims of domestic violence.

The program went exactly how I expected (except for a fire alarm at the very beginning which I thought might be apart of the play until everyone started evacuating). First, it was very upsetting. Second, there was a lot about where a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence can go for help and almost nothing about prevention. Only one man on the first discussion panel briefly mentioned not being a passive bystander.

Don't misunderstand me, it's extremely important for victims to know where they can go for help and I'm glad there was education about that at this event, but it would be better for the assaults and abuse never to happen in the first place. This is another example of the relationship between charity and social justice: we need both until the actions for social justice work, thereby making the charity no longer necessary.

I want to go to a panel discussion on how to stop these things from happening in the first place. Sexual assault and domestic violence/intimate partner violence is something that's very scary, complicated, and difficult to prevent. Prevention is more difficult than helping victims after/during the abuse (though that's far from easy), so maybe it's too hard a subject to touch and people would rather not go there. A big part of it is a problem of culture, society, and gender expectations/norms and those are things that are not easy to change and the thought of changing them is very scary for some people.

Until the shame and stigma moves off the victim on to the abuser we'll have domestic violence and sexual assault. Until we stop simplifying these issues as women with low self-esteem staying in bad relationships and men with anger problems abusing their girlfriends/wives we'll have domestic violence. Until we stop shrugging and saying there is something wrong with men we'll have domestic violence and sexual assault. Until it becomes easier for victims to leave their abusers we'll have domestic violence. Until we start believing victims who speak up we'll have sexual assault and domestic violence. I could go on and on.

I don't know the solutions, but I'd like to have an open, thoughtful discussion about possible solutions.

Search Away

A week or two ago one of my community members/housemates told us about http://www.goodsearch.com. It's a search engine that donates money to a charity or organization of your choice each time you search for something. Goodsearch donates half of the revenue it makes from advertisements, so it's at no cost to the person users.

I know it's been around for a few years and maybe a lot of people already know about it, but I never used it before because I didn't realize it was free. Yesterday I used goodsearch for the first time and now I just want to search for things randomly so money will go somewhere good. Of course, only a small amount of money goes to the organization, but—like everything else—if enough people use it enough times it adds up and that's why I'm writing about it.

My only problem now is choosing from the many worthy charities and organizations out there. The good thing is, you're not locked in to one organization—you can even change where your money goes every time you search.

A few of the organizations I've been using/I suggest are...

Catholic Charities of Western New York (which sponsors CCSC and which Refugee Resettlement is under—or you could find your local Catholic Charities)
Harvest House (where my housemate who brought goodsearch to my attention does his service)
UNHCR
American Heart Association
American Cancer Society
NOW (National Organization for Women)
HRC (Human Rights Campaign)
United Way

Of course, you can search for your favorite charity/organization on goodsearch. I know I sound like a commercial, but goodsearch is powered by yahoo, so it's just as useful as any other search engine.

Maybe you could do double good by searching for a place to volunteer or educating yourself about different social justice issues and what to do about them.

Happy Searching.

Give the Gift of Dignity

As you all know, it's the time of year where there are a lot of opportunities to give your time, money, and other donations to various charities. At Refugee Resettlement, our offices and halls are filled with donations (in fact, it's become quite a tripping hazard in the main hallway, but we have nowhere else to put the boxes and bags).

In a few weeks I'm going to a Christmas party where the hostess asked that if we don't want to come empty-handed we should bring items for care packets for adults instead of food or a hostess gift.

One of my housemates works in legal services for the homeless. At her office, they give their clients care packets that are put together by various organizations. She said that one thing that is never included is feminine hygiene products. She also said that female clients frequently ask if they have pads or tampons. Since the office doesn't have any, she usually gives them whatever she might happen to have with her.

Even though it had occurred to me before that pads and tampons should be included in care packets, I have to admit it's defiantly not the first thing that comes to my mind. I did some informal research by going on Google and looking up “care packages for the homeless,” “homeless care packages,” and “adult care packages.” Out of about a dozen lists I found, not one included pads or tampons.

Apparently, feminine hygiene products are an easy thing to forget, but why? Maybe it's because the stock image of a person who is homeless is a man. Maybe it's because people would rather donate things that can be used by both men and women. Maybe it's because the amount of money it costs to buy one box of pads or tampons could buy a lot of mini deodorants and mini soaps. I think that aside from the image that comes to mind of a homeless man, a big part of it is the refusal to treat anyone other than the “model patient,” who is always male and, therefore, being unable to see the needs of women that are different from the needs of men.

As any woman knows, pads and tampons are expensive and also very necessary. So, my community member who brought this issue to my attention and I will bring feminine hygiene products with us to the Christmas party for the care packages. I encourage everyone to donate care packages or items for care packages, and I hope anyone who does includes pads and tampons in the items they give. Of course, deodorant, soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, hand warmers, hats, socks, granola bars, etc. are very important too, but I think it's safe to say that most people won't give pads or tampons, so I hope everyone who reads this will.

Sometimes, care packets are called “dignity packets.” This Christmas, give a woman the gift of dignity by including pads and tampons in your care packages for adults who are homeless and adults in poverty.