Gratitude

For a little over a month I've been keeping a gratitude journal. Every night right before I turn out my light, I write down at least three things I'm grateful for about the day I just had. Some days I write a lot more than three things and other days I have to write things like “I'm grateful there are only two days left in the workweek” (and the next day followed by “I'm grateful there is only one day left in the work week”).

One thing that keeping a gratitude journal has taught me already is to look for things to be grateful for in my day and make a mental note of them. Even if they don't make it into the actual gratitude journal because I don't remember by the end of the day, making a mental note of the good things that happen helps me stay positive and in a state of gratitude throughout the day.

I plan on making the gratitude journal a part of my regular spiritual practice because I really think it's made a difference in the short time I've been keeping it. Gratitude isn't just for Thanksgiving, though it's great to have a whole day full of gratitude too.

Asking For Help

There are a lot of things that are hard for me, and asking for help is one of those things. It's something that's never been easy for me, but that I didn't see as a problem until I decided to live in intentional community during my CCSC year. I struggled to both ask for help when I needed it and to voice my needs to my community, especially if I thought my needs might be difficult for community members to understand or meet. However, I came to place a high value on my community (and community in general). Part of community is being vulnerable, taking risks, helping others, and allowing others to help me, so towards the end of the year I began to get a little better at asking for help and voicing my needs.

Still, I have a long way to go. Recently, I had car trouble and my initial thought was that I had to figure out how to take care of it by myself (not fix the car—I know I can't do that—but get it to the mechanic and get myself home). Really, I was perfectly capable of calling AAA by myself. However, a friend offered to try to jump my car so that maybe I wouldn't have to get it towed and go with me to the auto shop and give me a ride home.

I didn't even ask her, but it was even hard for me to accept help that was offered freely. Partly, it was hard for me to accept help from my friend because we have only known each other a very short time and I don't know how I can return the favor, but—as my friend pointed out—doing nice things for people shouldn't have to be “paid back” and I certainly wouldn't expect anything if the situation was reversed.

Jumping the car didn't work so I did call AAA, but I was very thankful to have someone wait for the tow truck with me because it was dark and I had to wait for over an hour in a parking lot in downtown Buffalo. Also, having someone fun to wait with made it the most enjoyable car trouble I've ever had.

This experience made me question if I changed in my often stubborn refusal to ask for help over the past year as I hoped I had. I may not have. Instead, I trusted my community enough to do something outside of my comfort zone and that is a different kind of progress and demonstrates how wonderful my community was.

Even if I couldn't ask for help, a year ago I might have refused the help that was offered and then sat in the parking lot very bored, slightly scared, and wishing I would have accepted help, so maybe there is some progress after all.